I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
