I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
