Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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