Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We are all done wearing pants today
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
