So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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