She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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