So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
