My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
