I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
