Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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