dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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