Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
