i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
