someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
