I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
