nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
