I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
