Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize