Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
