she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
