I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
