My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
