so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
