Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
