How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
