i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
