I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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