the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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