Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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