And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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