you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
