woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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