if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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