hotel room ftw
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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