I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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