Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
