I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
