the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
