I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
