I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
