I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
