we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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