3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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