hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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