Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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