I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize