My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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