she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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