Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
