I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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