i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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