i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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