I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Randomize
