hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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