Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
