Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
