just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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