Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
