I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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