I don't remember. Are we still dating?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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