these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
