did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
