it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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