and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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