Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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