In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ladies don't puke and tell
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
