Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
